The Sanctity of Sexuality
April 28, 2024
Preached by David McHale
Scripture Reading
Ephesians 5:3-14
3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
Take a moment and consider this past week – the things you thought about, the words you spoke, the ways you used your eyes, ears, feet, and hands, all the things you wanted, whether dignified or depraved. Now, what would it be like if all of that was shown to a friend of yours, your spouse. What would it be like if it was projected onto these screens? The prospect of being fully known is frightening. We are inclined to believe that if people really knew who we were, they’d run the other way, they’d stop calling, stop texting, or they’d hand you the wedding ring you gave them many years ago.
As scary as it is, we long to be known…to be both known and loved – permanently, without regret or wavering. In other words, we long for pure love – a love that only God can truly offer. No one will see us like he does, and no one can love us like he can. We long for an intimate love that will last – in all of our relationships, in our friendships, the family bonds we share.
One of the deepest expressions of this longing for relational intimacy is through our sexuality. As we consider Ephesians 5, we are going to be reflecting on God’s gift of sexuality. When we do so, we enter sacred ground – for our sexuality is holy. This conversation is profoundly important – especially right now – but not primarily because of the way it has been twisted by sin, but because of its beauty and holiness.
I want to offer a few brief comments before we jump in: You may have a story in which sexual harm or sin is its primary theme. You may have a story that haunts you with a shame that swallows you up every time you face it or a guilt that makes you unable to fathom that the gospel is true for you. If that is you, the Lord sees you. He knows you. He is here this morning to minister to you, as only he can.
To that end and much more, let’s pray.
As we walk through Ephesians 5 this morning, we are going to consider three things: (1) The Holiness of Sexual Union, (2) The Tragedy of Sexual Ruin, and (3) The Only Hope for Healing.
The Holiness of Sexual Union
When painting an image or shaping a sculpture, an artist takes great care in his act of creation. Every stroke of a brush, every strike of a chisel, every scan of the canvas or clay are pregnant with potential and the power to make something beautiful. A piece of art is a window into a beauty beyond itself – which always flows out of and points back to the artist.
God is the great Artist, the Cosmos is his canvas. He made the world. He made you – and, like an artist, he has placed his signature on you. Turn with me to Genesis 1. At the climax of God’s creation of the world, we read this in Genesis 1:26-27, 30:
26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness…
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
30bAnd it was so. 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.
In these verses, we see what it means to be human. God crafted you and I in his image, with perfect dignity and honor, intimately known and loved, made to bow to his love in everything. He gave us a purpose. Like a king who would craft statues of himself in outlying provinces of his kingdom to point to and remind his people of his reign, so God has crafted us as pieces of art, portraits of himself, made to point the world to his good reign in the world.
So, what does it mean that, in the same breath, we hear that God made us male and female? It means that to be human is to be sexual – in body, mind, and soul. We often think of sexuality in terms of sexual desire, attractions, or activity. Our sexuality is not first and foremost defined by our sexual desires, our sexual history or our sexual future, but by the holy dignity given to us by God as both men and women, males and females. God made us different and called our differences very good. Though God made each of us with the same dignity and purpose, he made us different in our bodies and our souls. Though each one of us can bear witness to God’s good kingdom, in some mysterious way, it is only together, as males and females, men and women, that we can fully bear witness to the beauty of God. Here at Community, as brothers and sisters, we need one another to point us to the love of God in Jesus. We won’t fully see it otherwise.
Sex is not the ultimate expression of our sexuality, but it is a primary one, such that we long to know and love one person as intimately as we possibly can – ultimately, in a sacred sexual union.
Following God’s creation of the world, in Genesis 2, God puts lonely Adam into a deep sleep and pulls out one of his ribs and creates Eve. In verses 23-25, we read,
23 Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
This is a deeply passionate moment. In context, Adam is saying – “Finally, I’m not alone! Finally, I’m not surrounded by animals!” (not the greatest compliment to your betrothed on your wedding night). He goes on in ecstasy, “She is like me and yet different from me! We were made for one another.” Adam was ravished by Eve. When Adam saw her, he loved her, and they became one flesh. One man, one woman, beautifully different, as one.
This wasn’t a one-night stand and it wasn’t enjoyed for all to see, but was given and received in a covenant. Adam laid hold of her with integrity, self-giving love, and a promise of permanence in love – and Eve did the same. Their sexual union wasn’t the foundation of their relationship, but it was the passionate expression of their covenantal love. Adam and Eve “were both naked and were not ashamed.” Naked in body and soul, completely known and completely loved.
Just as we ourselves were made as images of God, so covenantal sexual union was made to be a sign. Sexual union, as God made it to be, is not ultimately about the pleasure it brings or the passion it stirs. Sex is meant to point to something beyond itself, namely…the intimate love of God. In a marriage, sex is not just a collision of bodies, but a joining of souls who’s love for one another takes them deeper into one another – and ultimately, deeper into the holy embrace of God. True covenantal sexual union can only take place between a man and a woman – for only a man, in body and soul, can pursue and touch the deepest place of a woman and only a woman can fully embrace the most sacred part of a man. In this way, a husband and a wife function as distinct images of God for one another in their sexual union, showing one another just how much God sees them, knows them, and loves them in their deepest soul. In the gospel, Paul explains the deeper meaning of sexual union: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:32). A husband was made to show his wife the self-giving love of Jesus as he pursues her, to give to her, to know her, to abide with her. A wife radiates the beauty of the church as she receives and embraces the love of her good husband. This is the holiness of sexual union and it is very good.
How do we honor the holiness of sexuality? We protect and uphold it – both of which require that we speak about it. We refrain from talking about sex flippantly, casually, or frivolously. Paul says in Ephesians 5:4, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” But we need to talk about sex – in the right places, with the right people, for the right purpose.
One of the places in which I think we need to push ourselves is in our families, specifically with our children. To be honest, when I’ve talked with those in my generation, I have heard that generally their parents only talked to them one time when they hit puberty, and what was communicated was – don’t have sex. They were unprepared for what was about to hit them.
We teach young kids about basic math (1+1=2), so that they can better prepared to learn geometry, algebra, and maybe calculus. It is essentially mathematical discipleship. We do that with Math, but when it comes to sex, we can be silent, until they are 16 and then they are expected to understand sexual calculus. We need our children to know the beauty of sexual union and where it belongs, so that they will be able to spot its counterfeit and be ready to make sense out of their own sexuality. We need help to teach our children about sex – at least I do. There are resources to help in this. And some are in this room.
The Tragedy of Sexual Ruin (Eph. 5:4, 11-12)
In our home, we have a special piece of art that hangs over our kitchen table. It takes up most of the wall and it has swirl of colors – red, yellow, gold, shining out of swirl of black. Inevitably, we happily explain its meaning to visitors – sometimes while we sit down for a meal. It was a community art piece that was made by men and women very dear to us. Now consider what it would be like if one of our guests, after hearing us explain this special piece of art, took the left-over food on our plates, smeared it across the painting, scraped off paint here and there. When stopped, all they say is, “I think I can make it better.”
God has given us the good gift of sexuality, yet rather than receiving that gift with thanksgiving and honoring him and others with it, like our house guest with our painting, we are inclined to take it for ourselves and we do what we want with it. We make God’s gift a god and when we do, we fashioned it in our own image, shaped by our sexual longings. I’m told that I must express my sexual longings in order to be my truest self. We reject God as the Artist of sex and, instead of submitting to the meaning, purpose and boundary lines he has set, we look to our sexual desires to guide us. As we follow them, we are led into ruin.
We see this play out in our culture’s posture toward sex. Men and women make sex, which was made to point to the love of God, into a sign that points to themselves. Men and women labor to be seen as sexually attractive. They manicure their image to allure that man or woman of their dreams. We join the current and say, “If I could only be intimate with the right person, the man or woman of my dreams, then I wouldn’t feel like there is something deeply wrong with me. I wouldn’t be lonely or listless in life.” This extends to sacred covenant of marriage. When sex is god, marriage can be a prison, especially when your spouse is not what you want them to be. Adultery becomes the norm – divorce becomes, not a legitimate response to the breaking of a covenant, but a liberation from waning romance. Pornography offers instant gratification, without true intimacy, commitment, or relational obligation. Paul says in Romans 1, “they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator” (v. 25).
Any sexual activity outside of the sacred covenantal union of marriage between a man and a woman is a tragedy and an afront to God. Adultery and pre-marital sex (or to use the biblical term, fornication) are a violation against God’s holy gift. Casual sex degrades sex. When two men or two women attempt to unite sexually, it is a violation of God’s heart for sex. Even more, sexual activity between two men or two women fails to fulfill the ultimate purpose of sexual union, which is to bear witness to the diverse union between Jesus and his bride.
We see the deification of sexual expression play out in our culture’s posture toward gender and sexual identity. Men and women endure the excruciating pain of gender dysphoria, waking up day by day torn apart by the genuine feeling that they were born to be a gender other than their own. Yet when our culture affirms the transition of a man to a woman, a boy to a girl, it affirms the dishonor of God’s artistry and his design for our identity as men and women.
When we make our sexual fulfillment everything, we make sex next to nothing. Sex becomes currency – cash to exchange for the fulfillment we long for. Sex becomes a commodity to be bought and sold…or stolen. Men and women don’t come together to know, love, and honor one another’s dignity, but to consume it for their own pleasure or power. We can see this out there in something like hook up culture, yet this can characterize sexual union even in a marriage. In the church, we can believe that if a couple is married, then they can’t engage in sexual sin. Marriage doesn’t automatically sanctify sex. For example, a husband, even a Christian husband, can sin against his wife by using her for his own satisfaction.
The degradation of sex is most apparent in the porn industry, where sex is literally a monetized performance. Pornography is not harmless. A frightening amount, some statistics say the majority of sexual content online is either physically, verbally violent, or both.[1] If we knew the extent and effect of this industry, I think we would crumble.
When sex is our savior, it inevitably enslaves. Sexual addiction is more prevalent, powerful, and profoundly painful than we think. Men…and women…who are facing sexual addiction, face a monster that has sunk its claws in them. In the light of day, our culture boasts of its sexual freedom, but in darkness, men and women are bound in slavery. Are you languishing in darkness? Or maybe you have become comfortable in it.
Paul offers blazing words in Ephesians 5:3-6,
3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
Paul writes something similar to the church in Corinth. He writes,
9 …Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
Paul’s words are so severe. But his wrath is a sign, meant to point us to what he finds precious. If you treat his treasure like trash, then you warrant his wrath. God’s wrath reveals his ferocious love, his tenacious commitment to protecting the dignity of those he has made. Sexual immorality desecrates the holy more than we could imagine. The commodification of sex is not benign.
When sex is a commodity, someone always has to pay, often with their own dignity, whether they are willing or not. Sexual abuse wreaks havoc on a person’s soul, transforming their honor into humiliation, their dignity into shame. Intimacy means harm. Love becomes a lie and gentleness a dream. The severity of sexual trauma and its life-altering effects shows us just how holy sexuality is.
The Only Hope of Healing (Eph. 5:13-14)
I don’t know about you, but I behold the tragedy of sexual ruin and I am without words. What do I do? How do I face sexual sin and suffering – whether in those I love, those I see in the world, or in my own life? Whether it is porn addiction, sexual abuse, the inner distress of being attracted to the same-sex, or the roar of hate and ridicule in the world surrounding sexuality, we are easily overwhelmed by sexual brokenness. Paul says to us,
“walk as children of light” (v. 8b)…. For 13 when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible,14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
We engage our culture, not as warriors or bystanders, but as children of light. And the light we bear is much more like a lantern, lit to light up the night to find what is lost, than it is a flame meant to burn up everything in its path. As Paul calls us to do, we refuse to be partners with those who champion sexual immorality, yet we labor and long to see them won over to the truth. Christians have become known purely for what were against, rather than the beauty we boast in – which is self-giving, covenantal, intimate love, in other words, the love of Christ.
For Jesus offers a hope that lifts up our heads and embraces us in our deepest shame. The only way forward for the sexually stained and broken is through light. As children of light, we expose darkness, starting with our own. If you are bound to sexual sin, run to the light, take the risk of walking in the light to a trusted friend or mentor. If you are dissatisfied in your marriage and drawn away from your spouse, run like your life depends on it into the light of Jesus. If you remain riddled with guilt over your past, receive the grace of God through a friend and labor to take Jesus at his word – in him, you are spotless before your Father in heaven.
If you are grappling with same-sex attraction, take courage and share with someone who has proven that you can trust them. If you face sexual shame due to past abuse, I’ve been praying for you this week, that you would know the heart of Christ, which is other-worldly, kind and safe. Whether it is to a counselor or a safe brother or sister in Christ, as you are ready, let the darkness see the light of day. We cannot do this on our own but need others to shine the light of Christ to us.
This is how we are redeemed in Christ: the searing truth and supernatural love of Christ. (Call back to intro) In other words, we are known and loved in all of our sin and shame – and we are known and loved out of it. The light of Christ changes everything. His gaze can turn darkness into light. He can change sexual shame into beauty. Wounds no longer fester and function as reminders of wrong, but they serve as images of the hope and healing power of God’s safe embrace. Jesus has made us a new family, a place in which, whether we are young or old, married or single, we can be known, loved, and transformed into our beautiful savior. In Jesus, we indeed have the inheritance of heaven.
We boast not in ourselves, but in the gospel of Jesus Christ that Paul declares immediately following his confrontation of sexual immorality. “11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
[1] https://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/
